When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
