It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
