I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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