Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize