i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
