K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
