how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
