CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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