never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
