I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
