I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize