ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
