Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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