Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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