I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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