okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
