I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize