we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
