kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
