At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
