who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your cock deserves a montage
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
