If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
