My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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