It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
