Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize