I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
