I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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