Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
