Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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