If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
