God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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