my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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