He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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