thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
