I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
