woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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