Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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