I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
