Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize