you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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