Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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