yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
