people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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