Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize