Barsexuality is the new black.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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