So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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