You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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