Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
