Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
