Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
