Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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