Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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