We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
