anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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