I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
