I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
