I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
