Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
