I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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