I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
