Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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