Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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