HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
