The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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