At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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