IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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