It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
