This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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