Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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