I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
