then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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